


Not dead, but certainly not alive.

by Brokenanathema



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Self Harm, in sorry, trigger warning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:17:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10058591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brokenanathema/pseuds/Brokenanathema
Summary: The sempiternal war against his brain will never end.Josh has had enough.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Im so sorry I haven't updated my other fic, I'm not doing great atm.

Josh felt dead.

No, that doesn't describe it.

He doesn't feel alive, but he certainly doesn't feel dead. 

Yet.

Joshs body didn't feel like his body. 

That probably makes no sense, but when he looks in the mirror the person starring back isn't him. 

Well it doesn't feel like it anyway. 

He'd be lying if he said the emptiness he saw in his own eyes didn't scare him, yet again not many things don't scare him.

Josh's mind is a mess. 

He sits on the stone cold kitchen floor, blade in his hand. 

He won't end it all. 

Not tonight anyway.

It is pretty tempting though.

Josh tells himself one more day everyday. 

Soon there won't be anymore days. 

He shakes head. 

He can't think like that, not whilst he has a blade in his hand anyway.

His lets the blade sink into his skin, dragging the blade slowly as a white, strofoam-like layer of his skin is exposed. 

Josh doesn't think he'll ever know why it makes him feel so much better. 

Josh remembers when his mom found out he cuts, he was 14 years old. 

Earlier that day he cut, cut until his whole forearm was a sickly, sweet shade of Crimson, unfortunately he was so indulged in making marks on his skin he lost track of time. 

Josh, being the social anxious boy he was ran down to his class forgetting about the blood on his hands.

Big mistake.

He literally begged the teacher not to call his parents, he cried, he hyperventilated than he cried some more.

That evening his mother pinned him against the wall that evening, she called him selfish, stupid and idiotic; then she refused to speak to him for days. Josh remembers her apologising days later, but it was to late, the damage was done. Now Josh is 25. Nothing had changed. He still hurt himself daily, he still fantasied about death, oh my gosh did he want to die. But no today. Not yet. Just more red lines.

**Author's Note:**

> I know most of this probably doesn't make sense, this is just a vent from the train wrecks of my mind; also I know josh isn't 25, that's just an age I came up with.  
> The formatting at the end is how I really how I planned, but I write all my fics on mobile so it's difficult.


End file.
